The Veil

That’s exactly what it feels like. A veil. It would be a plain lace. A few tiny silver crystals placed sporadically on it. Thin, so thin you can see through it. Light as a feather. It is just enough coverage to filter light, but not enough to hide it. Yes that’s what it feels like. That’s what my meds make me feel. That’s what im feeling right now.

Recently, I broke into tiny pieces and had to be put back together. Tape and glue is what I call it. The meds and the therapy. This time no therapy. This time just med changes. Those changes created the veil.

I feel different today than I did before the changes. I feel …. like …. im looking thru a veil. It feels light in weight but heavy sometimes to look thru. I get up and feel nothing but a robotic emotion to do the next deed on the list of things that must be completed.

I don’t feel the way I did before… I don’t feel the emptiness and overflow of just pain and grief. I don’t feel the dismay. I don’t feel the obligation to whatever I had to be obligated to… Life. That’s it. I don’t feel obligated to life. I was overwhelmed recently. Overwhelmed with life or the lack of one.

The veil is the meds. The veil keeps me warm like a blanket. Keeps me covered and protected. Protected from my emotions which if I could feel them, would most likely lead to my distruction. I am covered under this veil and its good…. I think. Actually im not sure. Im taking it one task at a time. No more, no less. Im not sure what will be next in this journey. But for now I know I am covered under a veil.

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