Lessons I'm learning as a survivor · My experience

Music … I had no choice but to love it

I had no choice but to LOVE music!

Growing up in a household where survival was the name of the game and fantasy was better than reality, music is what saved me.

I learned early in life, that reality was tough, so I developed my own private world thru music. Some where between the disassociation required for my survival and the need to exist anyhow, I learned that what was in my brain,  in my mind, could somehow give me peace in a world that presented minimal to no options for enjoyment.

I listened to music – AM radio. All types of music: Country, R&B, Rock, Dance, Christian… Artist like Roberta Flack, The Doobie Brothers, KC & the Sunshine Band… Songs like “Cats in the Cradle”, “Suzanne”, “Taking it to the Streets” and thousand others, saved me!

I’d listen to a song and I could create the visual story, and if the lyrics were right and the tune resonated in my soul, it could transport me to a place where I wasn’t alone, where I felt strength because I was a part of a bigger picture. I created videos in my mind to match songs , way before music videos were popular. Often, I was the singer or the main actress,  the lyrics somehow connected to what I was going thru and boom… just like that I had my own music video. It was in my mind but that’s what made it precious.. no one could judge me, make fun of me or take it away.

Over the years I added more songs to my list of music that saved me.. I’ve include Mariah Carey, Cher, The Judds, Howard Hewitt, Janet Jackson, Def Leppard, Adele, Bonjovi, Nickleback and hundreds more.

Sometimes it’s the lyrics and the way they are put together with music, background singers, echos etc. Sometimes it’s just a particuar moment in the song that I can relate to musically. Mostly it’s a combination of all components of the song plus the moment that I first really listened to the words and found MY meaning in the song.

Music was an escape as a child often it was my companion while doing my chores as a child, or my friend while walking to school. Music heard me.. it heard my fears, my sadness, my aloness in a world full of chaos. It hugged me when I needed it and caught me when I fell. It smiled when I needed a smile and it gave me hope when I needed it. It was ALWAYS there. Selections of songs could be vast or sometimes one song I would play over and over and over. There is comfort in repetition.

I’m an adult now and old habits die hard. I still listen to the songs I grew up with. I check in with them quite frequently, like old friends. I add new songs periodically, but I find favor in playing the same library of music over and over again. Those songs saved me.. I owe them.. for if it wasn’t for those songs Im not sure I would be alive in any definition of the word.

Music resonates in my being … but I had no choice…

A child who is being abused has to find someway to cope.. mine was music…

I am forever grateful for 8 tracks, cassettes, cds, and now google play …

You see… I love music… I have no choice♥️image

9 thoughts on “Music … I had no choice but to love it

  1. Yes truly ..for me music was an escape from reality . Every word , every tune seemed to just blurt out my emotions that i tried to hide from everyone , but listening to it loud and clear and not having to keep those stories inside you any longer felt good.

    Liked by 1 person

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