I was born as a result of a one night stand. Or maybe it was more than one night. I do know it wasn’t the result of a loving relationship. I more of an OMG or an OPPS.
My father was a professional bachelor. He was in his 40’s. Not looking for or wanting children. He was living his life buying a new car every year and enjoying the bachelor life.
My birth mother was from the other side of town. Meaning she was living paycheck to paycheck. She was from a less fortunate background. She had a small apartment where she slept on a trunk. She definitely waa struggling with life.
The story is she was beautiful. Built like a coke bottle. He was handsome, single and had a great job.
They came together and boom. I was created. This was the start of what would be a life of being not wanted by my mother.
I look around and my story of how I came to be is common. More common than it should be. A child should be planned, wanted, desired. So many are born as a result of the one night stand, one moment of passion, one moment of weakness. However, that one moment can lead to years of trauma for the resulting child.
A baby has needs that start way before they are born. A baby needs a woman’s body to be free of stress. Free of negativity. Full of love and peace and of course the proper diet and vitamins. A mom to be that doesn’t want a child is not the right environment for a child to be created. There is no love, plenty of stress and a lot of negativity that the developing baby is being subjected to. This impacts the baby greatly. This baby who will grow up to be an adult one day.
Everyone deserves to be wanted upon arrival to this life. A baby should be welcomed and loved and cherished. I wasn’t welcomed. I wasn’t wanted. My birth mother used me to get my father to finally marry her. She used me as ransom. Marry her or my father would never get to see his daughter.
This is how my life began. I was ransom for marriage.
They married but my father didn’t love her. She was left unfulfilled. I was unfulfilled. My father was unfulfilled. You know what happens as a result. My mother resented me. You see I didn’t produce the results she wanted. I was a child and she thought once she married my father her fantasy of being loved would begin.
Children should be planned. The same as we spend time planning to get a puppy, planning to get an education, planning to buy a house, planning to buy a car. Children do not deserve to be an OPPS. If we spent more time planning for a child we would have a better outcome, for not just the parents, but for the child as well. The child would grow up with love and peace and joy from the moment the pregnancy is realized. The woman will be in a more postive state of mind. Which will have such a positive effect on the baby being created. Once a child who is planned for is born there is joy and love waiting. The child is welcomed into the world.
Imagine visiting a friend and knocking on the door. They swing open the door, frown at you and say ” what are you doing here”? Now imagine visiting that same friend and they answer the door with a smile and a hug. Which visit are you staying awhile?
Want a child prior to planning to have one. I know many that adore babies but babies become children. So make sure you want a child and all that means. Then plan. I know that everything we plan doesn’t happen easy the way we planned but at least you have a plan. A base, somewhere to start. A baby is cute who is the youngest version of a adult. Your baby will become a child who will become a youth who will be come a young adult who will become an adult.
I often say you must becareful of how you raise your child. You only get once chance to do it. Everything your child experiences will impact who they become as an adult. Don’t we owe it to children to plan for them? Don’t we owe it to adults to plan for them?
My birth mother didn’t plan for me. Neither did my father. I am a result of their not planning and oh what a journey it has been to correct and fix how I was broken from a lack of a plan. It cost me in ways that I’m still figuring out today. I’m not angry anymore. I am now invested in sharing the message of healing. Healing doesn’t have to start if we have a plan for the lives that we chose to bring into this world. Children are a gift let’s start treating the gift like the gem that it is. It’s a life. Let’s start planning for the next life that will be well lived.