I was either in kindergarten or 1st grade. I liked to stand on the swings and swing high. The swing seat was not firm solid and rectangle, it was a black band. I was swinging in it while standing..pumping my knees to get me higher and higher… my feet slipped off the band. I couldn’t get my feet to get back on the band. I tried…. I really tried… I ended up having to let go and hit the ground hard in a sitting position. It hurt to breathe.
I went to the nurse..she checked me over and sent a note home to my parents. My stomach hurt so bad. Breathing ment I had to breath in slowly and out in small puffs… I never gave parents the note. I threw it out. I ask myself why I did that. I didn’t want my parents to know I had been hurt. I didn’t want them to think I was stupid. That I couldn’t handle it…i.didnt want a fuss to be made over me? How does a small child come up with this? Who told me that my pain didn’t matter? Mother did….. and I’ve been doing the same thing with my pain any pain, surgery, illness, mental, emotional… any type of pain… it has never been allowed to matter… even to me….